I could use you
by LadyJessYU
Summary: 5 times they blamed it on hormones or ulterior motives and one time they knew exactly what it meant.
1. Chapter 1

**"It didn't make sense, but it was proof that desire and logic were two very separate things."**  
 **― Penelope Ward, _Stepbrother Dearest_**

* * *

Alicia was a pre-teen when she first learned what morality meant. She was at Aunt Su-Su's house, Mom had to work and Nick was at Calvin's again. The Tran's had a big library and Alicia loved spending time there. It was both roomy and cozy and when she was sitting in the leather chair she felt important. She spotted the new book Mr. Tran had bought – 'Morality without God'. She flipped through it but couldn't understand most of it. It frustrated her, not knowing.

 _Principles concerning the distinction between right and wrong or good and bad behavior_ _; a particular system of values and principles of conduct_ – she found the definition in one of the dictionaries. She pondered on that for a long time, what it meant. Mom was always reminding her to be a good girl and she was. She would eat all the vegetables off her plate even when she didn't feel like it. She always listened to her teachers and did the homework right after school. Every game, she played by rules even when some of her friends obviously didn't. When Mom told Nick and her to go upstairs, put the headphones on and watch the cartoons she did, even though she could hear the loud screeching of the tires indicating Daddy was home. She obeyed her Mom and Nick didn't. He never did what he was told.

So, when she learned the word, she started putting things in perspective. Rare were the people who did what they should. She saw her schoolmates copy off each other, she saw Nick's friend filch the five dollar bill from his Grandmother's pocket. And Mom, sometimes when she promised she would help with the school project, she left her in the middle. From time to time, Alicia would sneak a peek at the newspaper and read about all the bad things people did everywhere. The good guys didn't sound so moral either.

Alicia figured it was best she did the same. As it turned out, she wasn't very good at it. She opted for the next best thing and learned to be self-reliant. The less people she needed, the less she would be used or be in the position to use them. Then of course Nick had to go down the path of self-destruction, not just go but hurl. She was terrified at first. During one of his attempts to shake off the habit, he promised he would never do it again. She believed him wholeheartedly and the shaky smile was playing on her lips as she was taking his vomit-stained shirt to the washer. She believed him the next four times he promised the same and every time he broke it, it broke her heart a little. Then, she decided - she would spend her high school years achieving the perfect GPA, pack her bags and leave to some east coast college. However, every time her mom pleaded for help, her plans were moving closer to home.

Matt provided perfect distraction from the family life. He was everything she wasn't. His family was sweet and supportive. He was a free spirited artist. He was smiling almost all the time; thoughts of the fragile future were not clouding his mind. He was spontaneous and would follow her wherever she wanted. She knew she wouldn't need to ask.

And that was it – Nick, Mom and Matt. More than enough people to care about.

Then Travis entered the picture, 18 months before she would leave. Alicia first noticed him and Mom at school but discarded her Mom's smiles as some passing episode. Then, slowly, he started appearing at their dinner table. 'He was new at school and had nobody' Mom said. Oh, but he had – an ex and a kid. When he brought the son to diner, Alicia knew this one was different. Mom let him into their lives. He started helping Nick who almost liked the guy. He offered more than once to help Alicia with school which she flatly refused. He was a decent guy, Alicia reluctantly admitted but was refusing to find it in herself to care. Which was hard because he was making Mom happy and making them almost like a family. And when he moved in 10 months before she would leave, she did something that was at best morally gray in that Machiavellian sense. She got tipsy and did something selfish for a change.

The weekend after he settled in, Mom decided to throw a regular housewarming party and present the family. They invited the neighbors and friends. They all had to dress up. Mom put on a dress which she hardly ever did. Travis wore a tie. Nick promised to fix his hair, Chris, who was forced to be there for the full weekend, had to tuck in his shirt. And Alicia wore the knee length skirt she hated… What could go wrong?

Not much, as it turned out. The happy couple was pulling it off. Once the meal part was over, the kids were sent upstairs. It was 9.30. Nick took the first chance he could and skipped. To his credit, he stole the bottle of wine and brought it to the two teens. Chris and she decided to watch a black and white comedy to pass time. It turned into some family bullshit. Alicia wanted to barf which had zero to do with the alcohol. The more Alicia drank, the more resentful she felt. The laughter from downstairs was reminding her what a charade this whole thing was. "I hate this."

Chris glanced at her, "I can turn it off." he moved to the edge of the bed and reached for the remote.

She waved him to stop, "Not that." she stood up wobbly on her feet and pointed at the door, "This."

"Oh." he took a swig and placed the nearly empty bottle at the foot of the bed, "Well, there's no breaking them up."

They both snorted. The couple downstairs was seeing the guests off. Alicia knew the way each floorboard squeaked and the plan formed in her alcohol-fueled mind. She averted her attention to Chris and smiled. They had fun together when they forgot to ignore each other. Once, he had spotted her browsing through the college applications and had told her he wanted to go to Berkley as well. Journalism and ethics he elaborated and she wasn't surprised one bit. The most important observation at this moment was the one regarding Chris's wandering eyes. The glances occasionally lingered a bit longer and she knew exactly what to do. She figured out much more complicated things than what made a teenage boy tick. She reached for the bottle, leaning way too close. He closed his eyes and held his breath.

She halted, her hand hovering mid-air. "Are you all right?" she asked in a low voice. The front door clicked shut and the music stopped.

"Yeah." he breathed out, the whiff of wine and sweets hit her.

"You sure?" she stepped between his legs, her knees resting on the edge, "You look hot."

He was squirming away, "Alicia… what are-" the rest stayed caught in his throat as her hands cupped his face, thumbs caressing his lower lip. His eyes quickly darkened with lust and God, she found the blackness entrancing. The sound of the clanking of the cutlery was barely keeping her focused. Fucking hormones.

She pressed her lips against his forehead, inhaling the fresh minty scent of his hair. He gave in. His tender hands were gliding over her stomach, hips and were now resting on the small of her back. And God was that clouding her mind, she was trying to remember what possessed her to do this… Fuck, she did not think this through. This was the star example why she always planned ahead. The footsteps were nearing and maybe this was a stupid idea, most definitively stupid and she should step away. But she was weak in the knees and could not budge. He was getting up, pulling her closer. Her body was pressing against his, her mind was refusing to resist… she was never drinking again. He moaned her name, the door swung open and his pull turned into a push.

Travis gasped, Mom soon followed. Alicia's heart was pounding like crazy, she couldn't hear anything. Luckily, her expression was, by default, the one of disinterest. The couple was distraught, they were starting to argue and she quipped. "Are you two breaking up?"

Her Mom turned the glare in her direction, Travis was calling Chris out and she could see the moment it dawned on him that she was planning this. He looked hurt and used but she didn't care because that was not what she did, not for him. All the spots in that department were already taken.

"What is the matter with you?" Mom said when they were left alone. It was not a question because who could possibly know the answer to that. Disappointment and guilt were oozing from Mom's entire being and it was doing something to Alicia. She thought this was how Nick always felt.

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 **I always wanted to do this 5+1 thing and here it is. Tell me what you think.**


	2. Chapter 2

After the initial strain the almost event (as he liked to refer to it) caused, things returned to being fine. Maybe fine was a strong word. To begin with, Dad decided to tell Mom, they cornered him and had 'the much needed talk' which started with the expected 'what the hell were you thinking?!' and 'if I ever catch you drinking' only to end with 'you're grounded' and what not. He guessed it was lesser of two evils to listen to his parents' lectures than Madison's. He could have blamed it all on Alicia. He should have since it was mostly her fault. His only fault was being slightly inebriated. She took advantage of that to… get revenge on Madison maybe. And to taunt him in the process. He wasn't sure how her twisted mind worked, but it seemed like the most logical conclusion.

Anyway, the talk was one of the most traumatic experiences to date. By the end of it, Mom freaked out as expected and forbade him to see 'that girl' again. He was ok with it, more than ok. He didn't need her being in his proximity, reminding him he was just some horny kid. Of course, they couldn't disappear from each other's lives despite wanting to. And when he had to stay at their house, and he did have to since Dad was building another family nest, they were never left without adult supervision. They had to promise never to think of doing anything similar ever again. Without making any fuss, they did and parted ways.

It took a month but the parents decided that the little mishap (as they liked to refer to it) was the part of the rebellious, angry teenage act that was now finished. He looked up the signs. Not on the Internet because that would have definitely ended up in self-diagnosing a disorder named after some Greek character. And that would have been bad. No, he went to the public library. That didn't do much good either. He lingered on psychosexual disorders but discarded that in the end. The books were slammed shut and never looked at again. He would just forget about it and that would be it.

That wasn't it. Dad's school had that stupid 'bring your child to work day' which was the perfect opportunity for them to hang out. And yeah, he was a great teacher. The students liked him (as much as liking a teacher went). But the whole point of the day should have been to skip school. After fourth period, he took the pass and decided to walk around and explore.

The building was like any other and he stepped outside. He took a seat on the bleachers. Some guys were drawing graffiti on the wall. If this was his neighborhood, they would have been in handcuffs or beaten up. But they weren't scribbling profanities; this was an art project of sorts. Chris must have been staring because it made one guy turn and ask. "You like it?"

"Um… I guess… yeah." he stumbled over his words and approached the guy.

"Work in progress." he smiled and extended his hand, "Matt. You're new here?"

"Yes. I mean no, I don't go here." he shook his hand, "Chris Manawa, the-"

"Oh, yeah. Mr. Manawa's kid." he turned and called the girl up the steps, "Alicia!"

Damn, why wasn't she in class?!

By the time she reached them, her smile turned into a frown. Matt wrapped his arm around her and gave her a peck on the lips. "Hey babe, why didn't you tell me your bro-"she elbowed him not so subtly in the ribs, for which Chris was grateful, "your Mom's boyfriend's son was here?" he was carefully stretching every word.

"Because he was spending the whole day with Travis." her voice was almost accusing.

Chris started to fumble with the strings of his hoodie, "I've heard the lecture on Hesse three times today."

"Then you can help us with our senior prank."

"What?" Alicia and Chris asked in unison. The motive behind the question was entirely different, though.

"Isn't it early for that stuff?"

"Oh, we do a prank one month and a good deed the next."

"And you want to drag him around school?" Alicia asked her boyfriend.

"He could help with the diversion. You'll help us, right?"

He didn't recall nodding but it apparently he did.

"Great, we'll go soon."

"No." Alicia protested, "We'll go." she waved between Chris and herself, "It's the library."

Before he knew what was happening, they were standing in front of the scrawny, mean-looking man. "No students allowed."

"This is Mr. Manawa's son." Alicia yanked his pass, "I should show him where his Dad spends his break."

"No students allowed." the man repeated mechanically.

"He is not a student."

"He can wait for Professor Manawa here. The class will be over in 20 minutes."

Alicia rolled her eyes. Whatever the plan was, it wasn't working, "Thank you, sir. We will come back shortly."

"Asshole." Chris heard her mutter as they were rushing down the narrow corridor.

"What are we doing in a parking lot?"

"Plan B."

He followed her line of sight. It landed on a small window, "You've got to be kidding me."

"Never." she smirked, "I always mean business. Come on, give me a boost."

"I don't think-"

"Hurry up. I don't want to get detention." she mimicked the scrawny man's voice, "No students allowed."

It made him guffaw.

"Shhhh." she attempted to silence him but it came out as a giggle.

When the laughter subsided, he said "Let's go then." he intertwined his fingers and she took a step. One push and she grabbed onto the window frame.

He helped her lift herself up which gave him a perfect view of her ass which made it hard to keep balance. He was more disappointed than happy by how quickly she disappeared inside.

Snapping himself out of those thoughts before they could find their way into the gutter, he focused on keeping watch. 10 minutes before the bell would ring. Unsure as to why he was being anxious, he looked left and right, round the corner then up the window. He wouldn't get in trouble, he couldn't. This wasn't his school. He checked his phone, 5 minutes. Where was she?! "Alicia." he hissed.

After a moment, she peeked out. "All done."

She slid down, right into his arms. The second she found footing, he let go.

"Just in time." she beamed at her success.

She cracked the back door open but swiftly shut them. Pressing the hands against the surface, she cursed.

"What now?"

"That asshole is coming this way."

"And?"

"And he's been trying to catch us. It's sort of a traditional war between the seniors and him." she elaborated.

"I doubt he'll figure you out from… this."

"You underestimate him." she peeked again "he's on his way. Ok…" she rubbed her forehead, "I need a plan. The one that won't make me late for the test in…" she calculated, "less than 10 minutes. Great. I can't use you for an excuse…. We can't go round, maybe we could… no…"

He quit keeping track. He didn't see what the big deal was but ok. Maybe her perfect record, she was the type who had a perfect record. He looked through; the man spotted him and started taking longer steps. Shit. What did she say about using him? She just might be wrong about that one. Something clicked in his mind – this will either help or get him killed. "Alicia?"

"What?" she snapped.

"I am doing you a favor, so do not kill me." he was nodding reassuringly as he slowly explained, "Ok?"

She had no clue what he was going on about. Her mouth opened to question him when he grabbed her, smacking his lips against hers.

It was horrible, slap of a kiss. If he ever imagined their first kiss (he did) this wasn't even close. Her whole body seemed paralyzed, trapped between him and the hard bannister. Time was an undecipherable factor now but when he thought he felt a slight shove, he stopped. 'You started it.' he rehearsed the weak defense in his mind.

He pulled away just enough for her to say the words, wet against his lips. "Good thinking."

She tugged those strings he was always playing with and returned the kiss. Now, that was something else. Almost losing the balance, his heart raced like he was falling off a cliff. None dared to deepen the kiss, but as the teeth grazed her lip, he could feel her smile. Then the door opened and something close to _déjà vu_ occurred.

"What the hell is this?!" the man glared at them.

Chris threw a glance at Alicia, at her puffy lips and reddish cheeks. If he were honest, that made him a bit smug. "Nothing sir, she was showing me around."

"I'll bet." he stepped aside, "Now scram before I send you both to the principal! Damn teenagers."

They sped down the corridor, now full of students. The adrenaline was jumbling everything in his mind. It was probably for the best that he couldn't form a coherent thought. From this point on, he should think of dead puppies or something disgusting. Only when they reached her locker did they stop. Alicia was fixated on showing books in her backpack.

"I should find my Dad."

Almost surprised, she blinked couple of times. "Sure." she croaked then coughed. "Up the stairs, third door on the left."

"Thanks." he was heading in that direction when he remembered to shout back, "Good luck on your test."


	3. Chapter 3

**I am truly thankful to all of you who are reading this Special thanks to Rawr who recognized my attempt at humor.**

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She was only returning the favor. He helped her out that one time and she felt inclined to do the same. Owing people was not something she was comfortable with. It wasn't like Chris would ever demand anything from her, but Alicia had principles. Granted, they may have been a bit strange at occasion, but she prided herself in having them in the first place.

And when their parents dragged them to a teacher's seminar (which normal couples would use as a weekend getaway), the opportunity arose. They were lounging by the pool, the only reason she agreed to come, she was listening to her iPod silently enough to hear the chatter around her.

"Hey, Chris." her brother called, "Quit playing with that camera and focus on the more important things."

"Hmm?" Chris barely acknowledged him. He had been skulking all the way to the hotel. It didn't stop even when the parents weren't around.

She heard a smack from Nick, "Are you gonna try to hook up with the girl or just sit there."

From the corner of her eye, she noticed Chris almost jump in his chair. She turned off the music.

"What do you mean… what girl?"

"Brunette, blue bikini, two o'clock. She's been checking you out for a while."

Alicia waited a couple of seconds then subtly turned her head to catch the sight of the girl. She was around her age. Sort of pretty, nothing special.

"You sure? Maybe she's looking at you."

She could practically imagine the smirk forming on Nick's lips. "Unbelievable as it sound, no. Now, what's your approach?"

"Walk up to her?"

"Ok. But first… you don't have the muscle to show off." her brother, the expert, "Making her jealous would mean finding another girl. We don't have time for that so yeah, walk up to her and say… say you're making a movie. For a project or something."

"I am working on something, actually."

"Perfect."

"It's about police-"

"Less perfect."

Alicia turned away and stiffened the laughter.

"You say something like 'I'm doing a survey about this new natural look trend and you seem like a perfect person for that since you look amazing without make-up.' Or something like that."

"That's…"

Dumb. She felt the urge to contribute. Yet, depending on the girl, it could work. Another glance at her and Alicia concluded he had at least 60% chance of success.

Chris looked over at Alicia. She shut her eyes, pretending to enjoy the sunshine.

"I'll think about it. Thanks." he murmured and she had to bite the inside of her cheek to prevent the smile.

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Later that evening, everybody was… she wasn't sure. They did say but she didn't care enough to pay attention. For the past half hour, she was flipping through TV channels and there was absolutely nothing to watch. She tossed the remote aside and stepped onto the veranda. A semi successful pool party caught her attention. Chris, feet dipped into the water, was clearly bored to death. Picking the button-up blouse from the room, she decided to join him.

"Hey." she flopped down next to him.

"Hey." his eyes were still glued to that girl. She looked better last time. The dress she was wearing was not flattering to say the least.

"Did you talk to her?"

He turned and quirked his eyebrow. "I didn't know you were listening in."

"I wasn't." there was no way she would let him think that. "I have extremely good hearing. Like those warriors who hide in the woods."

"Mhm."

Alicia ignored the way he was scrutinizing her. "She is not your type, then?"

"Of course she is. I'm biding my time, finding the right angle."

His admission stung but it might have only been that horrible fish they ate. She never liked the sea food. "You want to run the pick-up lines by me?"

He cocked his head and made the face that screamed 'Seriously?!'

She rolled her eyes and sighed, "Fine."

"What is?"

"Fine, I'll give you an angle. All you have to do is follow my lead."

"I'm not sure that's a good idea."

"It is. You should always do it." she grinned and started unbuttoning her blouse.

His mouth opened in a half smile. "This is really not making any sense."

Well, sense was not something she could grab hold of right now. She just went with the flow. "She will get jealous when she sees I want you. If you're out of reach, you become infinitively more desirable."

He narrowed his eyes. "I thought girls were above that."

If only. "We hide it better. Now… help me get this off."

He shifted and moved one leg behind her. After the initial hesitation, his hands touched her collarbone and slid under the fabric. She gave a small nod. In a slow motion, he relieved her of it, leaving her in an orange bathing suit that complemented her freshly tanned skin. While running his fingers down her arms, she shivered despite his warm skin. Somehow, it was always warm, she noticed. She thought of the next move that would be subtle enough, yet visible to the girl. She came up empty handed.

He dipped his head; the strand of hair fell across his forehead. Alicia tucked it behind his ear and rested her palm around his neck.

"Now what?" he whispered softly.

Yes, now what? "Now… now, we dance." she shot up and he fallowed.

Her hands clasped his shoulders. She took a deep breath to clear her head. "Hands on the waist."

They ignored the techno music blasting from the speakers. "Relax." the hips started to sway gently and Chris picked up the pace fairly easy, "Pull me closer."

He wrapped his arms around her. She slid hands down on his chest, feeling his heart beat beneath one palm, and smiled. "Good."

Everything she said, he had done, albeit mechanically. His eyes stayed on her like there was nowhere else to look. Some magnetic force was pulling her closer, making her swing back and forth. She hid from the gaze in the crook of his neck.

"Is it working?" he asked.

His fingers were moving along her spine and Alicia was trying to make out the pattern to it. She could feel her muscles tremble, heat coursing through her body. Fuck, she seriously wished for food poisoning. It would be the best possible explanation for whatever was going on with her.

Only after she nodded did she gather what the question meant. She looked over his shoulder. Yes, the girl was looking at them. Time to finish this. "Let's turn. You can see for yourself."

"Mhm." they gently swayed around, "Now what?"

"Stare at her for 10 seconds, smile…"

"Ok."

She counted down while watching him smile. "Now step away, thank me for the dance and go talk to her."

He took her hand in his. "Wish me luck."

She gave it a squeeze. "You won't need it."

A second later, she was alone. She noticed it was chilly. Chris and the girl were already grinning at each other like excited children do. Alicia slid into the pool and submerged herself in water.


	4. Chapter 4

Whenever Chris was feeling down, he would find the focus in looking at the horizon. It was something about the far out there that was making him believe something different was possible. Not necessarily better, just different. And when his life really sucked he would lie somewhere and look at the sky. Up there, nothing was the matter; up there, it was blue and pure and free.

Everything on the ground was shit. His legs were dangling from the top of the car, feet bumping against the window. Sometimes, he would smack the glass with more force, testing how much it would take to break. In the movies, they made it look easy. Maybe it was all the adrenaline from running and what not. In any world-ending scenario, people ran. They weren't stuck in the house full of people they had mixed, mostly negative feelings for. Despite all the people, he was alone, Dad was always rushing somewhere with the soldiers. Mom abandoned him. And he thought the two of them were in it together, that they could always rely on each other. His feet were bouncing fast and he heard a crack. One more kick and the glass would break. He shouldn't do it. He had to stop obsessing over the current situation and let his body relax.

As the last thought was oozing from his mind, the annoying ringing started.

"Have you no respect of private property?"

He let his head fall to the side and spotted the only other high school student in the five block radius. The city and possibly the world was ridden by the dead, walking cannibals and she was riding around on a child's, pink bike. "Is that your bike?"

"I'll ask the questions." she cut him off. Some other time, he would have let her pull him into the little banter but he wasn't in the mood. Though, he had to give her points for trying. With Nick gone and her room recently harboring a dying woman, she wasn't in a much better situation. "You want to talk about it?" she asked earnestly.

'No fucking way' seemed to be the only response on his mind, so he kept his mouth shut. What was there to talk about anyway? How Dad had left him for something more important and now Mom was doing the same? He was controlling his urge respond; and he wasn't willing to entertain her just because she was bored.

"Hop on."

"You got to be kidding me."

She scrunched her nose and assured him she wasn't. "Come on. I want to show you something."

He complied in the end. It wasn't like he had anything better to do.

Chris wasn't sure what he was expecting but breaking and entering wasn't even in his top 10. Not that he minded. Nobody told them what the new rules were, but he was sure this was still considered illegal. And he was in the mood to do just that.

The house was… he had no words. The fanciest house he'd ever been into. They snooped around. He found the boy's stuff. He had all the toys… 'Action figures' Alicia corrected him and he called her a geek. She waved off the remark and went up the stairs. Chris found then the best thing – a remote control helicopter he wanted for his thirteenth birthday only this one was the newest model with the camera.

Alicia put on some music. He heard her shout over it. "All they left is some emo crap."

It would be sensible to take the batteries 'cause they would be needed in the future. Neither cared about that at the moment.

He was exploring the downstairs; he turned left, the helicopter hovering over his head. Then he saw Alicia through the open door. Once his gaze fell on her bare back, the feet became heavy as if they were made of lead. The back was of course flawless because that image was just what he needed. To make things awkward (only for him since nothing seemed to affect her), she spotted him. Their eyes locked and whatever it was behind it confused him even more. He turned left, right then took a step forward until he ultimately pulled himself together and left.

"Chris…" she called after a while.

He wished he was far, far away. Instead, he was sitting in the corner of a study (not hiding, only clearing his head). She called again and he had to answer. "Yeah?"

"Come up. I have something for you."

Oh, this would not end well. He was taking every step carefully like an infected was lurking behind the corner. When he reached the stairs, he looked up. She was now in a golden dress, full hair and make-up… Yes, this would not end well.

"Put this on." she tossed the suit which he almost dropped, "We can be rich snobs now."

The pants were way too big to hang on his hips. He checked the label – Hugo Boss. 'Of course it is'. He put on the shirt and the jacket and went upstairs. He found Alicia with a champagne bottle in her hand.

"Honey, you're home." she exclaimed zealously.

Chris smiled in return and took the bottle. It was half empty. If it weren't for the apocalypse, he would have never tasted something so bubbly and expensive.

Alicia was swaying gently to the music. He was looking at the photographs of the people whose privacy they were invading. One big, happy family.

"Do you wonder what happened to them?"

"No." they were gone. They decided to leave things and people behind so screw them.

His eyes darted between her and the picture in his hand. He hated the family that got to stick together even in the shitty situation like this. His was gone, broken a long time ago… every piece alone, for itself. He dropped the frame and watched it shatter.

He waited for Alicia's reaction. She drank the last of the champagne and smashed the bottle against the fireplace. At the sound, all the anger he was bottling up for months seemed to be released. He grabbed the closest thing he could and they started trashing the house. Shattering glasses, chandeliers, plates, mirrors (it wasn't like it could do anything more for the bad luck), chairs and abstract paintings were breaking against the wall, feather filled cushions ripped apart. The feathers were floating; Alicia twirled and fell on the sofa next to him. There was a moment of calm. The fun of demolishing things was passing and the resentment was slowly returning.

There was that look again in her eyes, seemingly vacant but daring him to move. Something close to a smile was playing on her lips. He could use another distraction, anything far from reality. He made a decision, the one he could file under 'fuck you' to the absent owners, to his parents, to Madison, to the world.

This time he moved slowly. He cupped her cheek, closed his eyes and pressed lips against hers, coaxing her to respond. And respond she did. He wrapped his arm around her torso and they slid down. She smelled like flowers and champagne. Once her tongue ran over his teeth, his mind was free of any thought; the hands were exploring her body, moving from the sleek fabric to her soft skin. He could not hear the music blasting from the speakers, only their shallow breathing.

Still, nothing lasts forever and the make out session was disrupted by the siren. He might have been able to ignore it but the hot kisses, which were up until that moment tracing the line of his yaw, stopped. He felt her palms push against his shoulders. He groaned and looked properly at her.

"Hey." she said, like seeing him after a long time.

It was like going from one daze into another. She was sitting on top of him. Her tousled hair was falling down her shoulders, her lipstick tad smeared, but still there. He wasn't wearing the jacket, and the shirt was only hanging on his right shoulder, "Hey."

"It's the curfew. We should head back."

He wished they wouldn't go, even if only to break some more rules. Neither made the effort to move, "Yeah, we should."

Her hand moved forward then changed the direction. She ran her fingers through her locks, "They'll be patrolling soon. Hurry up and change."

Chris rubbed his face, hoping to push some buzz away. "Easy for you to say" he whispered while lying alone on the couch. The burning in the pit of his stomach would not subdue.

They were walking back in silence. It could have been uncomfortable but according to their unspoken agreement, all that happened was part of blowing off steam. The only strange thing was the chirping of the crickets. He could not get used to the sound, even here in the suburbs.

It was dark now, the Moon was somewhere behind the haze of a black cloud. Maybe it looked somewhat menacing, but to Chris it was relaxing. He was less angry than he had been couple of hours before and that was all it mattered.

It had taken long for him to remove the lipstick traces from his neck so the patrol was catching up with them. They hid. There was something different about this one, they were in a hurry.

Alicia quickly caught up on that too. "Something's wrong" she told him.

The only thing on his mind was those smashed mirrors.


	5. Chapter 5

**Not really sure about this one, one moment I like it and the next I don't. I've hit the writer's block on how to end the story so I don't know when the next update will be. Thank you all in this tiny fandom for reading.  
**

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Alicia probably realized more things about herself in that one day than in her whole life. That did not mean she liked the outcome, though. The notion that she wasn't ready for any of it (unnatural or not) was nearly beyond comprehension. Her mother had been right to shelter her from everything. That day, she accepted she couldn't cope well.

She had fought those soldiers at first. Where she got the nerve, she still couldn't tell. Then one of them had knocked Chris out. He'd fallen unconscious and she had become paralyzed. The soldiers could have taken her then and there and she wouldn't have found it in herself to do anything about it. She had stood still until she could no longer hear the roaring of the engine.

And then, everything stopped being so incredibly hectic. They had found a temporary haven. Chris and she had been laughing and eating popsicles. She had almost forgotten how refreshing it tasted, like it had been months. Amazingly enough, it had helped her gain the new perspective on the theory of relativity.

A single shot had been fired… Moments later, she had hovered over Chris again. And again, she had been paralyzed. The taste of the strawberry had turned sour in her mouth.

She had been watching him weep and could do nothing to help. She had been watching him argue with Travis, kick and scream. Mom had tried to reason with both. Travis had been destroyed, maybe beyond repair. Chris had dug his mother's grave alone, pushing away everybody who wanted to help. Only Mr. Salazar had managed to exchange a few words with him. Alicia had not spoken.

For the past few hours, everything was eerily quiet. Mom and Travis were at the beach; Travis could not be around people. Ofelia was coming to occasionally, the medicine was still affecting her. She was hardly aware of where she was. Luckily. The others were quietly planning the next move while trying to be respectful of the tragedy that had happened. The last anybody saw Chris was when he bolted upstairs.

Alicia was loitering around the house. It was all so lavish, yet so cold and impersonal. She was inspecting the black marble, Chinese vase, Persian rug… anything to distract herself from the person upstairs. In all honesty, she was plucking up the courage to go see him. She was hoping to find the right words to say, provided he wanted to let her in.

It would come to her, she decided. Improvisation was one of her talents. She knocked on four doors before she found him. Even there, she almost missed him. He was sitting on the floor, head peeking from behind the bed. She rounded the room. He was staring into his hands, dirty from the digging. He wasn't crying anymore. She sat next to him, on the bed. Trying not to stare was hard but she had to be careful. A horrible feeling came over her, she was thinking of him like some wounded animal. To make the things worse, she was thinking more of herself, how on edge she was.

She looked at him. The bruise under his eye caught her attention. "I'm sorry. Every time you save me, you end up being smacked across the face."

"Don't worry, I got the picture." he told her after a pregnant pause. His voice still carried that clipped tone, "Can't save everyone."

She tried to laugh it off. "And now you decide to listen to me?"

He didn't respond. They sat in silence for a while. He turned and pressed his forehead to her knee. Her hand moved instinctively to his hair. His labored breathing was filling the room. Again, she had no words. He moved slowly, like it too was causing him pain.

To help himself stand, he gripped her legs. Only he wasn't trying to get up. He was leaning into her and she was leaning backwards. Before she could lose balance, he kissed her. The kiss was long and he would not break it. It was incredible how familiar his lips had become. She was letting him in, she knew she shouldn't but she wanted him to feel better. The lips tasted like salt and anguish. It was him who broke the contact.

What happened was a moment of despair, she believed. Immediately, she was proven wrong. His hands were moving over her legs, long fingers pressing into her skin. He seized the hem of her shirt and pulled up. She was too stunned to stop it. His red-rimmed eyes were gliding over her body, the eyes she couldn't quite recognize. His lips came crashing again, this time with more force. Fuck… It felt good… they shouldn't be doing this now. She nudged him away. He let out a disgruntled huff but did not give up.

He pressed his palm (his skin coarse from digging) against her chest and she fell on the bed. She could no longer see him but felt him step back. His fingers were moving lower, playing with the waistband of her jeans. The pressure on her stomach lessened as he undid the button. God, she should really do something, be the reasonable one. But then he placed a kiss in the hollow of her hip, slowly, gently moving up. Against any judgment, desire surged through her veins, scorching her muscles, inducing yearning in her limbs. She propped herself up on the elbows, watching him move. Surely, his trail of wet kisses lead to her lips. She jerked away and the final kiss landed on her cheek. He pushed against the mattress and she was left with no choice but him. She turned away again, a feeble sign of insolence. He nibbled on her earlobe and fuck, her body moved on its own accord, the back arched letting him wrap his arms around her. She whimpered as he picked her up lightly and placed her in his lap. "Stop." she ordered against his mouth even as she dug nails into his shirt.

"Do you want me to?" he pulled her even closer, his thigh increasing the pressure between her legs.

She bit her lip to stop any reaction. Her mind was foggy. No, she didn't want to stop. Not this time. "Yes."

"Why?" he retorted, challenge in his question was palatable.

She relaxed in his arms and took a deep breath. His thumb was running soothing circles in the inside of the thigh. He probably wasn't aware but she was, painfully, "Because… because you're hurting, Chris. And that's not the good reason to-"

"Since when do you need a good reason?"

He got her there. He was right and it stung, "Since…" fuck she couldn't blurt out something she still couldn't quite understand. It wasn't the time or place for it, "Since this… us, it means something to me, Chris." it was him who turned away this time. She grabbed his chin and made him look at her, "More than a… a means to an end."

He was staring at her, his brain working full speed, "You're selfish." he spat out. The words took a moment to root. He reached for her shirt and shoved it into her hands, "Get the fuck out."

There was nothing left to say. She felt heavy, defeated. Somehow, she stumbled out of the room. She collapsed at the bottom of the stairs. Stupid, she was stupid. Chris wasn't much wrong, she had to admit. His words fueled with resentment were not far off. She had used him much more than he'd used her. When she started it she hurt him, humiliated him perhaps. Now the tables have tuned and the game reached its end.


	6. Chapter 6

The whole idea of waiting it out on a yacht was valid. However, only in theory. It turned out those things (after couple of attacks, they quit seeing the humans in them) could swim. They couldn't actually swim, but water could not stop them as believed.

In time, their ragtag group merged with another one. After all the running, fighting, killing and dying, now it counted 14 members.

Chris and Alicia did talk in the broad sense of the word. They exchanged information if need be. To compensate for not in fact talking about what had happened, they bickered when left alone for long. The rest of the group had too much on their plate to think twice about the pair of squabbling teens. For the parents, it seemed probably like the only thing that had not changed. How naïve they were…

Naturally, the passive-aggressive facade was taking the toll on both of them. Alicia had hard time coping with her new role in the world as it was. She used to be the overachiever, the stable one. Nobody had to take care of her. Now the tables have turned. She was the fish out of water. Nick fit in like he was born for it. No, she couldn't accept that and more than once caused more problems than helped. She was the weak link. They put her on the fucking housewife duty - sorting out and mending clothes, and cleaning. That was what her bright future came down to.

For Chris, the new normal included living with the notion that his father had killed his mother. It took time to realize what the alternative would have been. Still, it didn't mean it hurt less. Mending a relationship with a parent proved to be less difficult than he imagined. They were stuck together and he couldn't stand to watch his father suffer. Maybe it was restitution or maybe guilt but he let Mr. Salazar teach Chris how to properly defend himself. Mr. Salazar was the force to be reckoned with and surprisingly patient teacher. But Chris didn't have the knack for the killing – a skill that he had never before believed could be useful. Being a trusty pacifist was a wrong thing to be in the apocalyptic world. So he was spending most of the time tinkering around mechanics; it was where he could try to sort out his thoughts if only for a moment.

It had been more than six weeks and less than three months since they were on the road. Keeping track of time was proving to be a nearly impossible task.

Alicia and Ofelia were scavenging through the trunk of an abandoned car looking for anything they could use when Chris stomped past them.

"What's with him?"

"Beats me."

"I thought you two were close."

Alicia's eyes followed Chris as he climbed into the back of the pick-up truck, "There were moments."

Ofelia placed something like a walkie-talkie in her hand, "Take this to him to see if it's salvageable." Ofelia was not stupid but wasn't subtle either.

Alicia rolled her eyes, though the smirk was playing on her lips. She wouldn't make a big deal out of nothing, "Fine."

Alicia walked up to him in a manner similar to his own mere minutes ago. She rested against the truck and extended her hand, "What do we do with this?"

As if he just realized someone was there he jerked his head, "Hm? Oh… let's see." he turned the bolts (the screwdriver was at all times at his belt). His brows knitted in concentration, fingers skillfully twisting the wires and binding them. He was good with his hands.

Alicia pushed the memory of his hands where it belonged, at the back of the mind. She turned away and leaned against the bumper, "I'll just go… I'm sure there is a button somewhere in need of sewing." she said the last part sardonically.

"Alicia?" she turned swiftly surprised by his call. She couldn't remember the last time he called her by the name, "Want to talk about it?"

She quirked her eyebrows, "Do _you_ want to talk about whatever's got you staring at the sky?" his lack of answered pleased her, "Than there you go."

"Come on." Chris patted the metal floor, "Hop on."

Her lips twitched upwards as she did.

Sitting together like that was strange. He was tapping his fingernails nervously against the plastic walkie. She was playing with the strand of her hair that was always sticking to her neck. They were both looking in front of them.

"I found a dress back there. Disgustingly pink."

"A dress? Why would anyone pack that?"

"Sentimental reasons, I guess." Alicia answered as she traced the curving lines of her tattoo, "I would be looking for a prom dress right about now… Instead, I'm doing nothing."

"I could teach you some basic defense moves. Mr. Salazar showed me some tricks."

She smiled. They haven't talked in so long yet he knew her. Somehow, at that moment those were the words she needed (not the blatant lies like 'It will get better' or 'You are useful here').

"So?"

"So…" she squinted, "What?"

"The prom dress? What would it be like?"

"You want to talk about prom?! The one that will never happen? I doubt that's a healthy attitude to have in this situation."

"Only if you look at it like that." he missed normal, they could both use something remotely normal, "I see it as an alternative universe thing."

"And you called me a geek." she raised her hands, "Fine. But only if you do it too."

"It's a deal."

"Mid-thigh dress. Indigo. Two weeks in Mexico. Then, most importantly, Berkley." she was trying not to be wistful.

"Look on the bright side. Two years from now you would have had to see me at the same school. This will not last that long."

"Incorrigibly optimistic." she grinned then tilted her head, "I guess I would have had to show you around."

"What would have your college friends say about hanging out with a freshman?!" he exclaimed in mock bewilderment.

"We'd go out every week just to spite them."

"Just to spite them?" he felt the need to challenge her. It was almost like the old times.

She pursed her lips. Should she say something? What happened to make him spark this kind of conversation? She couldn't be sure, "Not just."

He placed his hand on hers, thumb resting above the fluttering of her wrist, "I missed you." he admitted, voice barely above the whisper.

The blood rushed to her head, the pulse increased and God he surely could feel it, "Me too." she mouthed.

The conversation altered its' course with no warning. His throat was closing, he wasn't sure if all the words would be able to come out, "I'm sorry if I was an asshole the last time."

"You were." he chuckled at that, "But I get it."

"Did you mean it?" Chris asked cautiously, looking if they had enough privacy. Ofelia was near but wasn't paying attention to them.

There was no point in pretending. She was ready to clear the air. She closed her eyes, "Yes." the word sounded more like spite, it felt safer than the naked truth.

He pressed her forehead against hers, "I was losing my mind without you."

A moment later their lips met. It was gentle and honest.

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 **This ends the 5+1 thing. It felt out of character for them to talk it out and I thought this way was better. Hope you like the story. Thank you for all the kind words**


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